一新 : Isshin : Renewal
by CallMeButLove
Summary: What does it really take for a soul blackened by hate to be restored? To be healed? To find renewal? Sakura is determined to show Sasuke that no price is too high, even if it destroys her in the attempt. COULD be a prequel to "Thank You"...? R&R please!


**Authors Notes:**

**Where do I begin? I suppose the most appropriate thing to do, in cases such as this, is to issue the usual warning about content. I WARN YOU – THIS STORY IS OF AN ADULT NATURE. While it is not openly, overtly graphic. THERE IS MATURE SUBJECT MATTER WITHIN. Please stop here if you are offended by, or too young to view, content containing sexual themes. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. If you are shocked by what you find here, please do not flame me. Thank you.**

**Something that follows along with the note above, is that it should be stated that both Sasuke and Sakura are 18-19 years of age in this story. Possibly a little older, but that is up to the reader. However, 18-19 should cover the "age of consent" issue. These are not minors; not in this story.**

**One note on the relationship to the cannon story in the manga/anime, that this piece bears. In my little world, the only significant difference is that there is NO FOURTH GREAT SHINOBI WORLD WAR. I simply left that out for reasons only related to streamlining the plot in my story. Everything else that has happened to the characters, other than the war, is fair game. Sasuke's plot of revenge against the Leaf is the only threat to the village looming in this one shot, and for that matter Konoha has been fully rebuilt after the Pein invasion.**

**My last note, is by far the most earnest, and undoubtedly the one most important to me. I must make you wait a bit more to get to the story, so that I may pay homage to my BRILLIANT beta, the unfathomably talented, endlessly patient, indescribably kind, astoundingly observant – my wonderful friend, my sounding board, my inspiration – _Whisperwill_. Without her unfailingly accurate eye, this story would be _so_ much lower quality in terms of grammar, and technical writing skill. Please consider visiting her profile on this site and reading her work. It is unparalleled; utterly stunning in it's high standard. She doesn't even NEED a beta reader, unlike myself. _Whisperwill_, my friend, this is as much yours as it is mine – Thank you.**

**Well, I believe that covers all that I wanted to say, other than to beg you to review, and tell me what you think. So, now - "On with the show!"**

* * *

一新

*(Isshin)*

A Naruto Fan Fiction

By

_~CallMeButLove~_

Naruto © 岸本斉史 *(Kishimoto Masashi)*

いっしん

(Renewal / Complete Change)

It is important to note, that while theirs _is_ a love story, it is _not_ a happy one. The story of the shinobi known as Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura, could never be considered happy. One could hope, it is supposed, for a less than tragic end, that is all.

The first time he came to her was in the dead of night, the darkest hour. She would never have been surprised. He lived in darkness, so why would he come "home" at any other time? The first thought that entered her mind, was how disappointed Naruto would be, that he had not brought the Uchiha back to the village, that his promise would be indelibly broken. The second thought was that she was grateful that she, herself would be the first to die by his hand, so she would not have to see the fall of her home to his rage. Oh yes, she believed he would succeed. Never once had the kunoichi of Konoha lost her devotion to her village, to her people. Nor had she lost the Will of Fire, or even the will to live – she still had both within her burning strong and true. But, there was no force on earth that would have made her cease believing in Sasuke. Not even his hatred, could make her faith in him waver in the least. He wouldn't fail; just the thought of anything other than complete success from him was inconceivable.

Saying that Sakura was not surprised, while true, does not mean that she was not shocked to actually see him there. She had harbored no doubt that he would come eventually. She had been hearing rumors that he was planning to raze the village they had been born in to the ground, so there was a part of her (the ninja) that had expected his appearance to be soon. This was Sasuke, and therefore there was no emotional, joyous reunion. He came with a goal, a purpose, and nothing more. There was aught that could derail his ambition once it had been set in motion; that much had been burned into her understanding long ago. The shock came from the realization of what he had come to accomplish. She was shocked to feel his fingers closing around her throat, shocked to feel her breath pushed from her lungs as he slammed her back into the wall behind her. Shocked in spite of the fact that this was by no means the first time he had threatened her life. She had threatened his as well, but her heart was not in the effort; that's why she had failed. Sasuke was, she feared, incapable of failure in this regard.

The sound of her name on his lips always made her knees weak, even without the oxygen deprivation that his vice-grip on her was causing. This time was no exception, but Sakura stood her ground. She stared back into the inky depths of his eyes, and never flinched. If he would kill her, he would at least have to look her in the eye as he did. That much she could make sure of, that much she would hold on to for the sake of whatever pride was left to her. She would not die begging for him to change, nor cowering, nor crying. He would have to see what he was destroying; he would see what he was giving up, what he was throwing away. She would not make it easy for him, even if she didn't defend her life. That alone would make it more difficult for him, she reasoned. It was always easier to kill an opponent who would fight, who would kill you if you didn't finish them first.

"Sakura … it's been a long time."

"Sasuke-kun..."

He said nothing more. Sakura's heart cracked anew, as she felt his lips crash to hers. No love, no kindness, no gentle words of affection – nothing that she had dreamed of as a girl. There was nothing that she had longed for over the years he had been away, as she had grown to womanhood without him. His hands were everywhere at once, and they were bruising, painfully powerful, and heedless of her innocence. He took no care, spent no time, made no effort to ease her way at all. There was only one purpose in his mind. One goal. That alone drove him, and supplemented by biology, his actions were fast, rough, hard. Sakura never contested him, even with the harsh, cruel way he treated her. She simply allowed him his way, never protesting with anything other than her silent tears. He was the first to touch her, of that he was certain. It gave him satisfaction, and fueled his prideful desire. Sasuke took everything the girl in front of him had to offer, he took her body, he took her childhood, he took her very soul and crushed it with the force of his anger, his hate, and his unrestrained lust. This was the woman he had selected long ago to provide him with heirs; this would be the beginning of the restoration of his clan. As he heartlessly fulfilled his own needs – ignoring hers entirely, he thought back to a time when his idea of clan restoration had taken a different turn.

_**"By killing every last one of you, until the Leaf is crushed forever, any link to the Uchiha will be severed and our name will be purified. That's how I'll revive my clan!"**_

Sasuke had not changed his mind about this traitorous, murderous, vile place. He would watch Konoha burn, but he had come to realize that if there was no Uchiha heirs to stand behind him, to carry his name into the future, then there was no point. And so he had returned, early and alone, to this place. He'd returned to her; to the one person he could allow to participate in his victory over his enemies. Somewhere, deep and nearly dead from ages of neglect, was the flickering tiny flame of the love he had once felt for this girl. She had been precious to him, which was one reason he had left her here that night. Back when he had trusted the people of this place, he'd believed she would be safer here than with him. That was one reason. He had once even thought of returning to her arms, in a much different way. It was with these thoughts of his past connection to her, that he released and immediately he pulled away from her. He vanished into the night, and was gone before she could even finish sliding along the unforgiving wall, to the floor in a limp heap of bruises, blood and tears. The trembling, sobbing mess he had made of her would not be seen by his eyes, for they had closed long ago – to anything but his own pain.

The second time he had appeared in her home was two nights later. Again, it was in the depth of night, as if there was no such thing as day. Again he spoke very little. He briefly questioned her as she stood, facing him. He couldn't see the damage he'd done to her the previous time, for the darkness enveloping them. Even were the broad light of day shining into the room, she had healed most of the physical injuries, so that there would not be questions from her comrades. Therefore, there would have been next to nothing for him to see either. She had examined herself thoroughly as a medic, and found no permanent after effects of what had transpired. Relief was mixed with her conflicting sense of loyalty. She knew he would return to see if he had succeeded, and when he discovered that she had not conceived, he would be angered. She couldn't suppress the guilt that plagued her at letting him down again. Though, her rational mind knew that there was likely no shred of hope left, she held uncontrollable, desperate wishes – irrational wishes, that if she were to be able to give him this, that he would finally be restored to his former self. The failure, after all her pain that night, cut her deeper than his reaction to the reality of that failure did.

"Have you examined your womb, Sakura?" The ice in his voice made her voice quiver as she replied.

"Yes, Sasuke-kun. I have."

"And what did you find there?" He asked the question, to test her honesty, more than anything else. He already knew the answer. There was no child inside her. No heir. He had failed; Itachi (even in the midst of his great deception) had been right, he was still weak. Still incapable of supporting the weight of the Uchiha clan's future. Anger bubbled up and burst forth as he listened to the confirmation coming from her still swollen lips.

"There is nothing there, Sasuke-kun. I am not carrying your child." The fact that she was able to frame the truth in a clinical manner amazed her. However, Sakura had no time to think about the connotations of that fact, as the avenger had descended upon her once more.

Again, this was a means to an end. There was nothing for her in any of his movements. Cold, hard, heartless, ruthlessly, his mouth sought hers. His hands, fingers, tongue, and teeth leaving flaming red marks with the heat and hurry of their assault on every part of her. He was taking, she was giving – it was nothing new, and Sakura, once again allowed it all. She could have stopped him. She was quite capable of stopping this pain, but she acquiesced. She would never _not_ consent. She could never deny him anything at all, that she had to give. She had always wanted him, after all. All she could do, was close her eyes and imagine a scenario for this coupling which was much easier to bear. In her mind, the vision played out, enabling her to survive the distressing truth. The painful reality of Sasuke's selfish, cruel actions, receded as she let her mind drift into the recesses of her imagination.

"Welcome home, Sakura," the bridegroom whispered into his new-made wife's ear as he stepped over the threshold of his home with her in his arms. Her emerald eyes shone with adoration and unadulterated joy as she wound her arms around his neck and replied, her lips pressed to the pulse point at his temple.

"I'm back, Sasuke-kun," Sakura's breath on his skin as she spoke, the vibration of her voice caressing him, sent her husband of only hours into a state of nearly painful bliss.

He had never been happier than he was now, and he had come to understand that, their happiness would only continue to grow. They would grow together, augmenting the love shared between them, bring children into the world, raise them, grow old, and eventually die together. Sasuke set his most precious person on the edge of the bed they would now share and, taking her face in his hands, he kissed her softly, achingly softly. Sakura pulled her soul mate closer to her, closer, closer until she couldn't grasp him any tighter, couldn't lessen the space between them any further. His fingers found the knot of her obi, and so began to remove the final barriers between them. The two newlyweds, enjoyed each other, pleased each other, loved each other. Reaffirming life, restating devotion, reinforcing commitment and reforging the bonds that they shared. Nothing could have been more true, nothing more beautiful, nor pleasurable. He was her home, and she was his.

Sakura's fantasy had allowed her a small bit of respite in the actuality of the night's events. However, the illusion was shattered when, just like before, Sasuke came to his own climax, abruptly snatching the warmth of his heated body from her, and disappeared into the darkness once again. Sakura's tears this time, were for what might have been, not for was actually was. The next day, and the next would pass, with no sign of him. She found herself waiting, becoming anxious, jittery, and keyed-up. The exam had been the same, and she would have to face him again. She would have to see his hopes dashed again, have to face that she was the cause again. Her anxiety increased with each passing hour, until finally, under his midnight cloak, he came to her the third time. It never occurred to Sakura to be concerned for the fact that he could come and go at will, not only into and out of the village, but into and out of her home, as well. He was all-powerful, was bound by nothing, stopped by nothing. Mere conventions, like gates, guards, and locks were but trifles – of infinitely absent consequence.

"Well?" he queried with his quintessential apathy. She looked down, for a fraction of a second, and was nonplussed when he spoke again. She had anticipated precisely the same response as before. No words, just a ravaging, insistent, clawing, conquest of her body and the usual vanishing act.

"Why?" Sakura's eyes snapped to his in surprise at, not the question itself, but at the miniscule trace of insecurity she heard in his tone.

"I don't know, Sasuke-kun. It could be a number of things actually." she paused to watch his expression for any change. Since he did not reply, nor did he move, she continued.

"It could be that it's the wrong part of my cycle, it could be that the positions we've been in have hindered conception. It could be a biological issue that I'm not aware of with one of us. Most likely –"

"Examine me right now; use your medical abilities and check." He cut her off so abruptly that Sakura had to think twice about what he had just said. Was he seriously asking her to treat him like a patient and search his body with her medical chakra? The same chakra she could use to incapacitate him, even kill him if she wished? She blinked once and then took a step toward him.

"I can only obtain certain information without going to the lab with a sample, Sasuke-kun. If I do that, someone will know you are here. They will come for you, and I will have to help them. Do you want me to check out what I can from here, or will you risk being found?" She looked at him, and caught the glimmer of something in his onyx eyes, that looked strikingly like gratitude.

"You don't need to go to the lab. If you say that the problem lies with me, then I will believe you. I know that you think that you should kill me, Sakura. I also know that you won't do it."

His complete confidence in his safety in her hands left her at a loss, as to how she should feel in the face of it. Also disconcerting, was his ability to read her so well after all the time they'd spent apart. How could he know with such clarity, that she had been thinking of the duty she should uphold, by personally ridding the village of the threat he posed? Unable to reconcile her feelings, the medic closed the distance between them and did a cursory exam of his systems. Everything was in good working order. He was a young, healthy, if somewhat emotionally disturbed, man. Nothing to stop him from making his wish come true. She told him so, and before he could respond she said something else. Something that impelled him to leave without so much as touching her this time. Her words drove him from her, faster than if a very demon sent from Hell was chasing him, and she was left to wonder if he would ever return.

"It could be because of _the way_ this has been happening, Sasuke-kun. I've never protested your actions, so I'm not accusing you of forcing me. However, you are very rough, and as my first, you may have not considered the effect of the physical pain you've been causing me. There are real injuries which need to be medically treated every time you leave here. You have only come to me this way twice previously, and both times you have viciously taken what you wanted without regard for me at all. High levels of stress also contribute to a woman's failure to conceive, so as stressful as these violent encounters have been for me, it could be that the emotional and physical damage caused by the way you have used my body, has stopped me from giving you what you want. Something less than savage from you might make all the difference. I'm not asking for your love, Sasuke-kun. I know I will never have that, but you might just be more successful if you don't behave so abusively."

The fourth time Sasuke came to Sakura's home in the middle of the night, was almost three weeks later. He was intent on achieving his goal, but what she had said had definitely rattled him. Was he really sunk so low? Had he become nothing more than an animal, selfishly serving basal needs alone? Was he really so far removed form his own humanity as to violate her with such pure cruelty? These musings were not expressed, nor really fully formed or analyzed by him, when all conscious thought was driven from the Uchiha's mind. Sakura had been waiting for him, and this time was going to be different.

The feral way she pounced on him, reversing their roles entirely, was completely foreign and utterly unexpected. However, the primal urges it awakened as she mauled him with her mouth, and with her hands – made him loathe to fight for the dominant role right away. He found himself stunned as her whole body, lithe and lean, was used as a tool to awaken every cell in his body to a state of high alert. The sensation was dizzying. His whole being seemed to hum under her ministrations. Nothing had ever felt like this for him. Her mouth was wet and soft, as she nipped and sucked and nibbled. She devoured his mouth and drew moans up from somewhere deep in his throat, and as if they were drafts of refreshment from a well, she drank them in. Her hands were hot and excruciatingly, unexpectedly skilled as she moved them over every inch of him. He didn't even remember removing his clothes, so intensely focused on her hands was he, and their effect on him. She left trails of searing fire everywhere she touched, and the skin seemed to him, to be permanently marked, though nothing could be seen. Her voice came like the purr of a lioness in his ears, the words she used were honeyed and soothing, yet gave him no comfort. They incited him to action, motivated him to touch her, to kiss her, to attempt to reclaim some of the power she had over him. When he found himself falling back onto Sakura's bed, he let out a growl, that could charitably have been described as ferocious and flipped them over. He responded in kind to her every move, feeling more and more alive as he did. He noted with satisfaction, that she was equally affected by his attentions. The dance of the two became an equal exchange that, while terms of endearment still never found voice, began to become something more than mindless attempts to procreate. Passion was finally unleashed in both of them, unbridled. For Sasuke, at last, there could be more than just coldly achieving a goal. For the first time, he felt, not just release, but true completion as she brought him to the edge of his sanity and threw him over it. She followed along with him this time – and reveled in the fact that he collapsed, utterly spent on top of her, unable to move as sleep took him.

Sakura kept him wrapped in her arms and locked her ankles around his waist, determined to keep him from disappearing without a word this time. She needn't have worried; for the first time in more years than he could reckon the sum, Uchiha Sasuke slept peacefully – until a familiar nightmare shredded his slumber.

"Uwaaaahh!" The terrorized panic in his voice roused Sakura, and she instinctively tightened her grasp on him.

"Hush, Sasuke-kun. It's all right," she soothed, running calming circles through his hair, and down his back with her hands.

"Let me go!" He glared at her with wild eyes, and attempted to detach from her grasp and her gaze, when his truest emotions threatened to become exposed in his obsidian orbs.

"**No**, I won't let you go, Sasuke-kun. I won't _ever_ let you go. No matter what you do, where you go, how you hurt me – I won't ever _really_ let you go. I'll hold you tight until you feel again, even if I have to die to do it." She stopped speaking and looked at him as he stilled in her arms, tears brimming in her eyes.

"You can't hold me, Sakura. You'll get burned."

"I will hold you, even if I'm burned to cinders. Even if you kill me yourself, I'll hold you in my heart." She was completely calm while speaking, and something in her voice seemed to reach him. Without a reply, his head lowered to its former place, pillowed on her breast, and in spite of himself, Sasuke drifted back to sleep to the sound of Sakura's heartbeat.

The tears she shed then, were tears of hope – hope rekindled.

The fifth visit to Sakura's home, was the first time that the avenger allowed himself to feel, allowed his old emotions to surface. At last, he let the heat of her touch revive the flame that had all but been snuffed out by his hate. This became the first time he spoke to her as he moved within her, speaking not of cliched versions of love, but showing with his actions that, the emotion so maligned by common everyday misuse, was the one he felt toward her. His words were kind, and carried an apology in their tone, rather than in their definitions. This time, in all respects, he made love to her. He was with her because he cared for her, wanted her, not only because he wanted something from her. There was tenderness in his touch now, there was appreciation, and consideration, there was a light in his eyes that Sakura had never seen before. She responded with a sweet, loving, tenderness of her own and poured all the years of loving him, of longing for him, into her actions. This was something to hold on to, something to cherish, and she would not let it go. Sasuke was trying to find his way back to her, even if he didn't realize it himself.

For the first time in so long, Uchiha Sasuke slept through the night without his painful past robbing him of his rest. Sakura held him tightly to her once more as their breathing slowed. She would keep him here, keep him safe, until his heart began to heal, no matter what she had to endure in the process. As the black of night drifted into pink and gray morning, somewhere in his sleep Sasuke had rolled them over and come to settle beside her, and in her repose, her grip on him had loosened. Sakura awoke to find that not only had morning come, but that the man she loved was still beside her. He had unconsciously pulled her to him, and was currently clutching her tightly in his arms. His right hand at her back, while his left cradled her head against his chest. The posture was one of protective, gentle possessiveness, revealing the love he couldn't express with words, and when she realized the significance of their positions, Sakura could not hold back her tears.

"Why are you crying?" Sasuke awoke more startled than he wanted her to know, at the sound.

"It's nothing Sasuke-kun. I'm fine," she lied and he knew it.

"I won't ask you again."

"I was thinking about what will happen when you finally have what you came for. I was wondering what you'll do when I do get pregnant. I was worried about the village, my friends, my home, and if it works, I am worried about my child." She pressed her face into his skin; the source of her anxiety was also the only man who could make her feel safe.

"I have not changed my intentions, Sakura. Konoha will fall."

Noting the chill seeping into his voice, once more, Sakura simply looked up at him, waiting for him to elaborate. When he didn't, she posed a question.

"Where does that leave me, once you have what you want?"

"I'll take you with me, away from here as soon as you are with child. My only living family will be in your possession, so I won't have you near the village when I finally avenge the ones who were stolen from me," he answered without the ice in his tone, but with no emotion at all at the thought of killing everyone who had ever called him a friend. Sakura's heart clenched and she challenged him, cautiously.

"How can you risk our child's life that way? What if there are problems? Complications in pregnancy, and due to child birth happen all the time, Sasuke-kun. What will you do if there is something wrong? Even if you'd let me die, there could be something that endangers the baby. Without a hospital, without adequate medical care, without a safe, _peaceful_ environment, a stable home, the pregnancy itself could be at risk. Would you really put your only heir in eminent danger, just for the sake of some hollow idea of revenge?" She knew the last bit was pushing him, but she had to buy time. If she was right, she was pregnant at long last, after the previous night, and she had to stall his planned destruction of the Leaf for as long as she could – for everyone's sake, including his.

"Fine. I will wait to punish this village, until after my child is born. At that time, if you wish to come with me away from here, I will keep you by my side. If you will not turn your back on this den of traitorous wolves, then my child and I will go without you," he paused, looked away from her, and added; "I hope you will stay with me," barely above a whisper, but she heard him. She heard the unspoken plea for her to not abandon him, not after he had finally let her into his heart.

"I'm always with you, Sasuke-kun. I always will be."

"I'll return tomorrow night. Please be prepared to tell me, if there is a child on the way or not, when I arrive. From then on, you will need to be exceedingly careful with your body, Sakura. You must protect the Uchiha clan's future." He was likely unaware of the desperation in his voice, but Sakura heard him telling her to "protect the king" just as the Third Hokage had instilled in them once, years before. She wondered if Sasuke remembered. Probably not yet, but there was a small hope lingering still.

She nodded in agreement, and kissed him goodbye. Her heart skipped several beats as she felt his arms wrap around her, and his lips move over hers to return the kiss. He may not ever be able to say so, but she knew now that deep down, he loved her. Sakura hoped fervently that someday he would realize that willing forgiveness and genuine love would make him stronger than hatred and vengeance ever could. Until that day, she would keep trying to reach him, keep trying to save him, keep praying that by virtue of his child's life, his own would be renewed, and that by means of their love for each other, the Sasuke that she had always adored would finally come home to stay.

Just as he reached the window sill, which would be his exit point, he turned to look at her over his shoulder, and spoke.

"When I return to find you with child, Sakura, you will need to pack a bag and be ready to journey from here briefly. I promise, I will bring you back, but I have no intention of having my child's surname questioned. There is a temple not far off the Land of Fire's southern border, that will serve," he spoke the words without even the barest hint of feeling, and yet, as the meaning penetrated her consciousness, Sakura was overjoyed.

Sasuke would be her husband soon, just like in her fantasy. He was doing things a little out of order, but he was making progress. And this little opening would give her a chance to change his mind about the village. It was a chance, even if it was slim, so she would cling to it with all her might.

Unbeknownst to Sakura, the Uchiha speeding away from the Village Hidden in the Leaves, was -secretly- completely elated at the prospect of making her his wife. There was no reason to use her like some kind of livestock after all, just to produce the desired heir. He should have known that she would become more to him than that; she had always been more. Sakura was in his blood, and she would always be so. Any child she gave him, would need her in its life, just as he did. Marrying her should have come first, he realized, but he had been blinded by his seemingly imperishable rage. Perhaps he could find a way of making up to her for all the pain he'd caused her. Was that even possible? Could he ever be forgiven? That thought stopped him in his tracks and brought him to his knees, as fear knotted in his insides, producing an anguish that doubled him over in its intensity. What if she never could forgive him? After all, what he'd done, even just since he'd returned to her life, was unforgivable. He had attempted to murder her more than once, he had betrayed her repeatedly, he had taken her so violently in these last few weeks … No, this was Sakura. He remembered their most recent night together, with bliss clouding his vision, and it dawned on him. She had already forgiven him completely. She would always forgive him, no matter the trespass. Could he, in turn, possibly forgive those who profited from Itachi's pain, who benefited from his family's sacrifice? If Sakura could forgive him for what he'd done to her, maybe he could find strength like hers and let go of his anger, and hate. Perhaps the villagers could accept him back among them. He began to rally as the image of Naruto's face, came unbidden, to his mind's eye. The 'dobe' would be absolutely ecstatic, if Sasuke came back. Possibly, there _was_ such a thing as hope alive in the world after all. There was a chance he could find a new beginning with Sakura and their child(ren). Maybe, he _could_ be welcomed back by his former friends. _Just maybe_, life could be worth living again.

Just maybe...

おわり

(Owari)


End file.
